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croutonochrist

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HAHA! SHAWN'S POOR! [07 Jul 2007|11:32pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]



Rider King Strong. Greatest name ever. Y/Y?

I never even realized until earlier today that it's totally porny-licious(ride her strong?). What's really sad/gross is my first thought was "Yeah, I bet he rides 'em strong........OMFGZ! WHAT AM I SAYING?!"

Sigh. For years he stared back at me from my bedroom wall. He was so angsty and delicious. And he seemed so much cooler and older than me. Now I look back or watch reruns and he's this little 14 year-old kid. And I feel like a pedophile.

Meeeeeemorieeeees....

ETA: I also never knew my bb was a vegetarian. Apparently he was a little naked hippie born to crunchy granola eating parents in San Francisco. So ~kewl~.

21 comments|post comment

It's been so long, my internet friends! [03 Jul 2007|12:52am]
[ mood | calm ]

I've been so bizzy with work and such that I haven't updated the ol' ElJay lately. I've been all up in ONTD, but I've been a big bag of fail when it comes to reading and commenting on everyone else's journals. So to repent for my sins, I'll admit a few embarassing things about myself:

- I hate Nickelback, but I sing along(LOUDLY)to "Rockstar" if it comes on in the car when I'm by myself. Idk, it's just a fun song to sing. I FEEL NO SHAME FOOLS!

Follow me, ladies...Collapse )

6 comments|post comment

Nice guy or thundercunt of the century? [25 Jun 2007|05:26pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]



Idk bbs, I just don't know. But he looks rly rly ridiculously good looking here. And I'm not physically attracted to him. Believe you me, I tried, and for a while I thought I was. Then I just realized I was in love with JD(well, along with the nose and the jewiness). Sort of like back in the day when I thought I liked Heath Ledger and then realized I just dug his accent.

10 comments|post comment

I must say: [19 Jun 2007|08:50pm]
Cartoon me is fucking HOT.



^Yes, I really do dance around campus like that. It was called "The Spaz Dance". Very fitting. She was grooving to some New Order while I was dressing her. I love the people in the background that are giving me the "WTF?" look. It's realistic. I went through 700 different locations: Great Wall of China, hippie love den, outer space, the ghetto. I think the funniest was me dancing in front of a taco stand. I don't actually own Lolita shades, but dammit, I'm on a quest to find a pair! You can't really tell either, but I'm wearing a Star of David necklace. You know, 'cause I luv the jewz.
6 comments|post comment

WTF?! [11 Jun 2007|02:38pm]
[ mood | disappointed ]



^Greatest couple ever Y/Y?

How have I not known that they're showing Wonder Years reruns again?! They're on ION(what used to be PAX...ew). I didn't even know we got that channel. Which is why it's so upsetting I didn't know they were showing the reruns for like a year. Even worse, I faintly remember hearing about it a long time ago........but I forgot to actually watch.

That show is srsly my favorite show of all time. Nothing has ever made me cry harder. Specifically the episode where Wayne's best friend comes home from Vietnam completely shell shocked and depressed. He starts crying and says "Nothing fits anymore". Oh jay-sus, I weep and then weep some more. My favorite episode evah. And if you're not moved by something like that, you're probably an asshole.

I hope they haven't shown it yet. I'm looking forward to curling up in front of the TV and sobbing into my Ben & Jerry's. Which really says a lot about me.

11 comments|post comment

This movie: [10 Jun 2007|02:37pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]



Is made of awesome. SO FUNNY. I couldn't breathe at times. Judd Apatow and friends can do no wrong. And I kinda sorta want Seth Rogen to impregnate me with his Canadian jew sperm. And by 'kinda sorta' I mean 'definitely'.

Guess I'll cut for those crazy ~*spoilers*~Collapse )

13 comments|post comment

I GOT A JOB!!! [06 Jun 2007|02:42pm]
[ mood | content ]

You can now refer to me as "Old Navy sales associate". Lulz, Old Navy, I know. But hey, sweet employee discount! I guess that makes selling moderately priced sweaters for minimum wage all worth it.

Also, I've been meaning to post this since Sunday, but something on the MTV Movie Awards made me think of you Ms. Sherman. Seth Rogan presented with Eva Mendes and told her he wanted to impregnate her with his "schluby Jew sperm" and Eva said "Oh my god, I love Jew sperm!" and I instantly thought "OMG! MY HETEROLIFEMATE!" That's totally you, amirite? Amirite?

6 comments|post comment

Haaaaaaaaaaaay girlfriends! [21 May 2007|02:22pm]
[ mood | happy ]

I haven't been on teh internetz, let alone post, in so long! I've been so busy registering, applying for jobs, buying books. I've missed you all so so so much!:(

So, to catch everyone up to speed:

- I decided to take a couple summer classes here, so I'm living with a friend for the time being. Classes only last six weeks and they're all just silly little electives I felt like taking because they sounded cool. So let's hope that works out.

- I've been applying for jobs everywhere. EVERYWHERE. I've gotten a few call backs/interviews but no job. To think, everyone told me that being a broke college student with good grades would help me get one quick. LIES.

- I met my ~evil~ twin the other day. She's a friend of a friend but we had somehow never met. And this first friend kept telling me "OMG! You're just like so and so! You have to meet her!" And usually when people say that....it's very much false. But this girl and I are the same person. Our voices sound the same, we have the same sense of humor, the same thoughts, we even look alike. Red hair, similar features, same height, body type. The only difference is that she wears glasses. It's like we have the same soul. Together we shall rule the world!

10 comments|post comment

You peed on my ipod shuffle. You're such a stupid bitch. [11 May 2007|01:57am]
[ mood | content ]

I'm sure I'm incredibly late to the game(I always am). But The Whitest Kids U'Know are, like, the funniest dudes ever. I had never heard of them until the other night when I happened upon their show on Fuse. I feel like a loser because they've apparently been around for a long time. It's certainly guy humor, but I just love how short and simple their sketches are.

A sample:



So you want more?Collapse )

10 comments|post comment

What I do on a Saturday.... [05 May 2007|04:22pm]
[ mood | content ]

Nothing. It's been pouring rain here for the past 4 days. It's finally let up, but it's still cloudy. EVIL. Is it so much to ask that it be sunny and spring-y?

- Since I've been stuck inside, I decided to go through my old CDs. NO. It only reminded me how shitty my taste in music used to be. I went back to my 'angry white girl' days only to find an inky abyss of Limp Bizkit. FUCKING LIMP BIZKIT! I've spent the past 6 years trying to forget I ever loved them. What was I thinking? Even worse, I put on one of their CDs for nostalgia's sake..........and I still knew all the words. Shoot me?

- Speaking of music, remember our discussion of music moments that give you the heebie jeebies? I found two more:

Okkervil River's "Black"- The part from about 2:25 to 3:00. So very, very good.

Radiohead's "High and Dry"- "They're the ones who'll spit at you/You will be the one screeeeeeeeamin' oooooouuut" Awwwww yeah.:)

- Maybe I just have PMS, but that video of David Hasselhoff all drunk and sad breaks my heart. Srsly. "Cause, I'm lonely. I have trouble in my life." made me a little teary-eyed. I can't believe I feel so bad for fucking David Hasselhoff! It just seems so......weird. Stupid compassion.

To lighten the mood, here's Gordo lookin' homeless......but still doableCollapse )

17 comments|post comment

Sourpuss McGee is a chipmunk-cheeked cunt [03 May 2007|09:45pm]
[ mood | pleased ]



http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/12181656.html

I'm getting way too much joy from this. I've always gotten a twat vibe from her. No, this has nothing to do with the Showalter heartbreaking. In fact, the Baxter is the only movie I've ever liked her in. Even though I think I more just love Cecil than Michelle herself. She's just always seemed like an insufferable bitch. I guess that's why she shacked up with Heath Ledger. He's the exact same way: cuntrageous and void of personality and sense of humor.

Thanks random TV writer dude. I rly needed this after a rough week.

12 comments|post comment

I'm in love with Louis Stevens? [30 Apr 2007|11:29am]
[ mood | content ]

Ooooh, but pictures like this are so good to me:



He's sort of like the perfect boy here, no? A little messy, a little scruffy, a little tired, a little(A LOT) pettable. Very nice.

Shia LeBeouf, welcome to the club.

13 comments|post comment

WHERE IS EVERYBODY?! [23 Apr 2007|10:04am]
[ mood | calm ]

All my ElJay friends seem so scattered nowadays. None of us talk anymore. COME BACK TO ME!:(

In other news:

-I hate to say it.......but ontd_t isn't that much fun anymore. It's raping my f-list and the posts just don't seem as funny as they used to. Idk....

-I can't stop listening to Le Schwartz's music. It's really quite good. At first, I'll be honest, I thought I was only making myself like it because it was my baby's daddy. But I would still listen to it all the time. Every time I got in my car it was what I put on. Why is that? I was weirdly drawn to it even though I was still unsure. Idk, but now I love every song and know every word.

-I need to see a good movie, a truly great one that I want to run out and buy right away. Like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind or something. I own a lot of them that I love, but I want something new. Anything good out?


Things have been so boring lately. Springtime is supposed to be fun, isn't it?

8 comments|post comment

I thought you guys would appreciate these: [22 Apr 2007|12:19am]
[ mood | happy ]






Now, which one of you submitted these to ljsecret?

1 comment|post comment

Jodie Sweetin looks like Bill Murray [11 Apr 2007|10:15am]
[ mood | blah ]



But not herself. Hm. Guess meth will do that to ya.


- I feel like absolute trash today. Just gross. I'm sick, I have PMS, my hair and makeup's all fucked up. Ugh. ~DRAMA~

- I really really really want a MySpace because I feel like I'm completely out of the loop. All my friends have one and I'll go there and secretly snoop around and leave feeling so left out. It's like they're a part of this secret society I'm not allowed to belong to(Oh yes I DID just end a sentence with a preposition!). But I'm so scared. It sounds silly but I'm afraid none of my real life friends will read it or leave me friend-y inside joke comments. And I feel like I showed up too late to the party. Everyone's already there and having fun and talking to people, and I'm going to be the one walking around awkwardly looking for people to hang out with. All who shun me. I'm also scared of people denying my friend requests, because I don't handle rejection well. It makes me feel like the failure of the century.:(

Of course, I do have my dear old ELJay. It's pretty much the same as MySpace, but with less scene whores. Sadly, no one I know has one. All the people I talk to on here are just ~internet friends~. Of course, I don't think I'd want my real life friends reading my posts anyway. I talk too much.

7 comments|post comment

Larry Birkhead....... [10 Apr 2007|06:17pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

You ARE the father!



::jumps out of seat:: YEAH! YEAH! I TOLD YOU BITCH! I TOLD YOU! ALL Y'ALL CAN KISS MAH FAT ASS!

Congratulations, bb! I have no idea why I care about this so much, but I honestly teared up when he announced it. He seems like a great guy. So YAY!


PS- I suffered through 2 hours of Nancy Grace, so that right there shows you how much I care. Bitch is a devil woman!

2 comments|post comment

I feel like posting! [08 Apr 2007|12:55am]
[ mood | nervous ]

No reason really, but I do. So here it is:



- Please tell me I'm not the only one who always watched the reruns on Lifetime. WHY DID THEY TAKE IT OFF THE SCHEDULE?! Of course, they replaced it with Will & Grace reruns, so I can't be too upset. But still, I loved it so! I even downloaded the theme off Limewire a couple weeks ago just so I could hear it again. It still scares me too. Why did I suddenly think it would be cool to listen to that at this hour? I was too chicken to even watch the show when it was on at 8........because I was afraid to watch it by myself in the dark. Especially the Ghosts segments. SO SCARY! What was the one about the girl at the cemetary? She had supposedly come from the dance hall and was hit by a car by the front gates. So now she walks up and down the road "looking for a ride home". Oh, and did I mention, SHE DOESN'T HAVE A FUCKING FACE!? Yeah, apparently when you look back at her it's just a black void where her face should be.::shudder::

I found it! Resurrection Mary:

http://www.ghostresearch.org/sites/resurrection/

I was SO scared I was going to see her after I saw the segment on her. Remember, I was 6 and couldn't seem to comprehend she was in Chicago. But I was afraid to look out my window at night because I was sure I would see her strolling down the street.

It all scares me so, but I just can't look away.

18 comments|post comment

LJsecret is like heroin! [04 Apr 2007|01:45am]
[ mood | calm ]

I've become so addicted to it. I'm in the grips of teh smack! It's even better than PostSecret.

My secret? I save all the ones I relate to. Like this one:



^You have no idea how much better that one makes me feel. I'm so glad someone else has done that.

Read more...Collapse )

7 comments|post comment

Movie characters you'd love to date [01 Apr 2007|05:52pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

Once again ONTD has inspired me, and now I'm gathering up all my fictional lovahs. In no particular order:

1- Lloyd Dobler


^Sort of the ultimate pretend movie boyfriend, but my vajayjay loves him. Why is he not real?

And there's more, my lovelies...Collapse )

28 comments|post comment

"As much as I would enjoy a huge slimey hoagie at 10:45 in the morning..." [28 Mar 2007|11:03am]
[ mood | bitchy ]

I'm sure you've all seen that Quiznos commercial for the Prime Rib on Garlic Bread sub, right? If not:

<----I can't believe they even left that laugh in the commercial at all. I mean, srsly! What the flying fuck IS that?

Anyone else want to kill that bitch? "It's not lacking any meat, and that's what real women need!"
I'm sure she's a lovely girl, but every time I see that I get all "OMFG DIE IN A FIRE!!!" on her ass. Each time it sets feminism back 50 years. I'm sure of it.

GET OUT OF MY GENDER, WE DON'T NEED NO SANDWICH SLUTS!

11 comments|post comment

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